EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER RIDE

Morning 😊 so it’s Mam’s birthday on Tuesday, she’s starting her exams then so we’re celebrating Monday however yesterday she mentioned there not being any cake!! I told her nope but I’d make a nice healthy lunch for her 😊 Today is my last day before training starts so I was thinking if I were to pick up a few (not exceeding the amount of people here) cream cakes or apple slices today and did a little happy birthday with her, that way I’m getting my final treat in (not that I’m too pushed tbh) and not everyone is suffering because of me 😁 I bought a fresh cream roulade and had a slice of it, there was some left over, which I would have gladly scoffed but Mam took it with her. I enjoyed it but I actually could have left it, I don’t know how long this current mindset I’m in will last but I actually am not craving or have the want for anything sweet or unhealthy. Long may it last…

I want tomorrow to be here already! I went to Dunnes to buy a top, I have leggings, I also looked at a sports bra but ehhh no that wasn’t happening. Anyhow I was in the changing room and got stripped, I actually cried when I seen my reflection in the mirror, I really look hideous, I HATE looking like this and cannot wait to finally start seeing a difference. The next 5 months are going to be the most important of my life. I cannot wait to not cringe at mirrors and not jokingly laugh off how fat I am. Truth be told I am miserable, I look at ladies who have control of their weight and am so envious. I think a lot of fat people get fatter because their confidence just goes and sure what’s the difference between being fat and fatter? I know that’s what’s happened with me. I dont think I’ve ever been open or honest about how I trully see myself. These last few days have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

I get a bit carried away in my thinking and am planning on saving some money each week of my training to go towards new clothes but more  importantly more training sessions to keep me on this journey!
I’ve to go and get my photo taken now, the thoughts of it is actually making me nautious 😳 Well the photos are done, a friend told me that she ate a bucket load of chocolate and cried after she seen her photo, my reaction to my photo was ‘fuck me how have I let this happen?’ I don’t want to stuff my face or down a bottle of wine, I just want to get to SSS and start my training!! Every so often I get so overcome with emotion I cry a little, but it’s emotion for what is to come, for 22 years I’ve wanted this and now I can almost touch it! I can totally understand though why my friend got ‘depressed’ looking at her photo, I had to stop the thoughts of ‘omg how does my husband even lie beside me at night’ from coming into my head but I think the fact I know tomorrow I start to work on getting rid of all this extra extra weight and that I have amazing support from Sprint Spinning Studio, my family and friends to help me get through this, I can look at my photo and feel positive 😊

Profile Pic April 2017

Mum & bday cake

BREAKFAST
Muesli & lf milk 225kcal
1 sl brown soda bread butter & jam 150kcal
1 coffee with splash lf milk

SNACK
Banana

LUNCH
Veg & chicken soup
2 sl brown (2.5g butter)
Coffee

SNACK
Slice of fresh cream roulade…. my last treat!!

DINNER
stir fry from last night

SNACK
Apple

WATER
2lt

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