Tuesday 30th May 2017
Group training at Oceo this morning, as usual we were put through our paces, pushed to our limits but managed to have a bit of craic, we were hoping Shane would be winding down a bit getting ready for his holiday, and go easy on us but no such luck!!
We had more problems with the two remaining kittens we’re fostering today so there was a lot of running around, cleaning up and cuddling to be done. The day turned into just one of those days were I began overthinking everything!! I got it into my head that I couldn’t see myself ‘skinnier’, I began to doubt ever reaching any of my goals. I felt I couldn’t imagine myself skinnier because I’ve never been ‘skinnier’. I also realised that before when I was on different ‘diets’, as soon as I lost enough weight that people noticed, I literally jumped off the wagon, in no time I’d be back up to my original weight. I’m beginning to think I’m slightly nuts!!
I was asked today was I happy being overweight, my answer was a BIG FAT NO! I was always conscious of it, lying in bed at night, sitting watching telly, in a restaurant, on an airplane, countless other places, I hated it. Why did I stay overweight then? I have no idea, I kept making excuses for my eating habits or for not exercising or dieting. I had ‘reasons’ for putting on weight, looking back, it was all a load of BS!!
DAY 34 – Wednesday 31st May 2017
This morning I had aches here there and everywhere!! But I felt good Today’s spinning class was great, I think I’m finally getting the hang of going faster out of the saddle!! After class we went for a coffee in the little coffee shop beside the studio in Arklow, it’s right inside the sports centre. I got talking to one of the ladies from the class, it turns out she’s a celebrity… Mary Nolan Hickey is the only woman to have run every Dublin City Marathon!! She is hoping to run her 38th this year!! She’ll be 65 this month and ran one when she was 6.5 mths pregnant. She is such an inspiration!! Mary offered to bring me for a jog some time after a class, I told her I couldn’t run to the car until I got a sports bra! She turned to me and said ‘you need to get yourself proper gym gear, sports bra and a top, get rid of that loose top, get a gym one, you’ll feel so much better!’ And do you know what she was so right, so tomorrow I am getting myself to Lidl and hopefully I’ll fit into their gym wear!
My ‘spinning buddy’ Emma has been where I am now, she lost a lot of weight, differently than I ‘m doing it, but the thing is she understands a lot of the things going through my head!! I do feel a lot of ‘normal’ people don’t realise the struggles I am going through, I suppose it would be like me talking to someone who had a drug addiction, I’ve no idea what it is like so I suppose I can’t expect ‘normal’ people to know what I’m going through. Anyhow we got talking about whether I’ve been fat all my life… and yes I was a chubby baby!! I would have said yes, I was always over weight but when I got home I started looking through photos and I wasn’t always overweight. It really became a problem after I was pregnant! I found a photo of me 12 years ago in China and well, I think I look good in it! I’ve no idea what size or weight I was but I know my tummy was relatively flat, my boobs didn’t take over my body and my face looked slim and healthy!! That’s my goal… to look and feel like that again!